I’ve not been feeling myself for a while, and really there’s no reason for it. A close friend is in hospital; a friend’s dad is also in hospital having had several heart attacks; another friend is schizophrenic, but those are their problems. I shouldn’t be finding it difficult to cope with life. One of my friends sometimes calls me ‘Chuckles’. It’s my favourite nickname anyone’s ever given me. I’ve not lived up to it lately, but I’d like to.
I was thinking seriously yesterday that if something didn’t change, I would go to the doctor for antidepressants, for the first time in over 13 years. You see, I haven’t taken them since being a Christian. In April 2000, I had the thought: “Shall I go back on antidepressants?” but I decided that would make me no different to a non-Christian, and I had the Lord to help me through now. He’s never let me down, but yesterday I was just so tired of feeling rubbish, and the thought kept going through my head all day. Then last night, as I sat on the sofa thinking about it yet again, a Bible-verse came to me – the one about how God has given us everything we need for life and Godliness (2 Peter 1:3). I realised going back on antidepressants would be like telling God I didn’t believe He’d given me everything I needed after all, and throwing all that He’d done for me these last 13 years back in His face.
I’d like to say everything changed from that point and I felt wonderfully peaceful, but I didn’t. I went to bed thinking I’m not drinking enough, the house is a mess, I’m good for no one, and I can’t find the toothpaste.
This morning I woke up still feeling low. Then something that Jarrod Cooper said on the radio came into my head. “How is God going to fix you? By His Word”, and that reminded me of one of my favourite verses: “He sent forth His Word and healed them” (Psalm 107:20), so that got me out of bed. On Bible Gateway, part of today’s ‘Verse of the day’ said: “You should serve and honour God by the way you live” (2 Peter 3:11), so I thought what’s the first thing I can do to honour God today? Probably tidy the house, so I started in the kitchen. As I washed the dishes, another verse came into my head about how I’d been set free “from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers” (1 Peter 1:18).
Do you see what God is doing? Fixing my mind in a way that antidepressants never could. That’s why He’s so keen for us to read the Bible, and read it often.
So the house is less of a mess; I’m drinking properly today; I’m good for something, … and I found the toothpaste!
I know this post has been about me, but really I’m writing it to let you know that God’s love is there for you whatever stage you’re at, and His Word is there to fix you if you’ll let Him.